‘Baywatch’ Looks Much Worse Than I Expected

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Seth Gordon‘s hard-R reboot of Baywatch was one that I was expecting to be a guilty pleasure of mine come next summer, due to the awesome cast and Gordon’s previous work (mainly Horrible Bosses). But if this trailer is any indication, that doesn’t look to be the case at all.

Here’s the new trailer from Paramount:

Where do I begin? Besides the fact that I didn’t laugh a single time during the whole trailer (although that last part was a bit humorous) it all just feels very lazy and half-assed. This also feels like the fifth time in three years I’ve seen Zac Efron play the same, douche-y character with a six-pack, and it’s getting stale real quick. And let’s not even talk about the horrid green-screen work on display here.

Granted, it’s Baywatch, so I shouldn’t be expecting much in the first place, but for a big, Memorial Day comedy with Dwayne Johnson headlining it, I should be more excited for it.

Baywatch will drop May 26th, 2017.

‘God Particle’ Is Apparently A Part of the ‘Cloverfield’ Universe

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Per The Wrap, the upcoming sci-fi space movie from producer J.J. Abrams God Particle is now said to be a part of the Cloverfield universe, which I guess is now a thing. Many people had assumed this would be the case, but I find this news to be somewhat disappointing. With a cast that includes David OyelowoElizabeth DebickiDaniel Brühl and Chris O’Dowd, I’m sure we’ll be getting an intriguing film, but I’d be lying if I said the Cloverfield connections” in 10 Cloverfield Lane (if you can even call them that) severely harmed the last act in an otherwise great film.

It’s also said that Paramount and Abrams want to release a film in this newly created franchise every year which, again, doesn’t sound all that great to me. I get that these films would otherwise be hard to market and release because they wouldn’t strictly be franchise films (as sad as that sounds), but I just hope the tie-ins to these films, especially God Particle, aren’t as half-assed as they were in 10 Cloverfield Lane.

God Particle is due to be released on February 24th, 2017.

Paramount Is Lost When It Comes To Marketing “Noah”; Early Reviews Are Solid

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Darren Aronofsky’s biblical epic Noah is one that I should be borderline-ecstatic for. But alas, Paramount has done a terrible job marketing the film to look interesting. It’s trying to sell itself as an action movie, when it isn’t. Not only that, but the ads keep showing the same footage over and over again, as if they’re afraid that they have a dud on their hands.

Well, there was some arguments between Paramount and Aronofsky, due to the fact that Paramount held early test screenings for the film. But, that wasn’t all. Paramount was also trying to make different cuts of Noah to see which ones worked the best. This resulted in a furious director and bad publicity, many from Cristian groups. The bad buzz has become so overbearing for Paramount that they’ve had to add in a disclaimer to let audiences know that this isn’t an exact retelling of Noah. You don’t say?

Here’s the disclaimer:
“The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis.”

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The problem is that Paramount is hiding a portion of the film that they know will polarize audiences. Aronofsky’s version is said to be more fantastical than the ads would lead you to believe. Not only that, but Noah is supposedly a much darker character here than many would expect him to be. This was always going to be a controversial film, but Paramount didn’t help the process whatsoever by publicly butting heads with Aronofsky.

However, there is some hope. The world premiere last night in Mexico led to some tweeting about it on Twitter. Here are some tweets about the movie:

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Noah will open on March 28th.