“Tammy” Review

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“Muscle shirts are for muscles!”

What’s the best film to watch after seeing Trainspotting and Shallow Grave? Well, obviously the most logical choice would be Tammy, right?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

This “movie” is bad. “What makes it bad?” you might ask. Well, let’s start with the story. It’s your basic road-trip movie, except for the fact that they go absolutely nowhere. Screw where they are, all you need to know is that they hit up a bar and a lesbian party. That’s it. That’s honestly all that happens. There is no sense of location or setting here at all. All I know is that this film took place somewhere around Missouri. Everything else is just filler fat jokes to pass the time by. WE GET IT, MELISSA McCARTHY IS FAT. HOLY SHIT. But what about the story or setting? Nope? Okay.

Now, the leads of this film, McCarthy and Susan Sarandon, have no chemistry together, so it made this experience much more painful. Neither of their characters are likable in any way, shape, or form, and I’m sorry, but McCarthy looked absolutely repulsive in this. I’m not sure if the director (who is actually McCarthy’s husband) wanted to make her look like that, but if I was her and I was being presented as a fat, ugly woman who only gains laughs from jokes about her weight or her looks, I’d beat the living shit out of him. But, you know, money.

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So, apparently, this was McCarthy’s “passion project”. If this was her passion project, then I’m sorry, but she should never been involved in making a film ever again. Everything about this film is terrible. The camera shots are some of the laziest I’ve ever seen in comedy or any film for that matter, the only laughs that this film delivers are from the supporting actors, most of which only have around five minutes of screen-time, and there really isn’t a story at all. So, it’s 97 minutes of NOTHING.

What saddens me is that there is a lot of talented filmmakers out there with great ideas, but instead, we get films like this. A dull, lifeless “comedy” that is nothing but a paycheck for everyone involved (except for McCarthy, apparently). I mean, it physically hurts me to see the likes of Mark Duplass and Dan Aykroyd wasting their talents on films like this. They deserve much better. Hell, I guarantee you that producers Adam McKay and Will Ferrell only produced this “film” to get in on some quick cash, hoping to bank on the lead actress’ popularity.

Ugh. Fuck this movie. At least with films like I, Frankenstein and Winter’s Tale, even though they were shit, it felt like the filmmakers actually cared about their work. Here, it doesn’t even feel like anyone was trying at all. And the worst part? $20 million was spent on this piece of shit. $20 MILLION.

Melissa McCarthy, you were funny in Bridesmaids, but now you just piss me off. Please leave us alone.

“I feel like we’re getting somewhere, and that, like, under different circumstances we’d probably be good pals.”

1 out of 5

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